Thursday, September 27, 2012

I figure I may as well do this now since I don't know when I will get a chance to do this again

Cool morning shadows sadly shift across the floor
Each time we say goodbye it's harder than before
Even after all the pain of parting still we find
That we must mourn the death of the dreams we leave behind
As I turn my back on all that means the most to me
The sounds and smells, the light that dances on the sea
The greatest gamble is to act on the belief
That only the slave who leaves it all is truly free

The sacrifice that we both lay before His feet
A thousand moments that belonged to us
That now will never be

By faith we hold a better dream inside our hearts
A time when our family will never have to be apart
Till then we struggle with just what it really means
And we will mourn the death of our beautiful dreams
Mourn the death of our beautiful dreams

The above is a little song by Michael Card from his Album "A Fragile Stone." It is an album that not only Biblically explores the life of Peter (πετροσ=Peter, πετρο=rock (or stone;)) but also speculates of the emotions and life of one included in the mission of the early Church in Christ. Let me preface this by saying I love this song, and often listen to it before leaving my family and friends. My mother, on the other hand, does not believe it to be an uplifting and accurate portrayal of the life of a Christian. In many ways I understand where she is coming from. If you read my blog last month my sentiments on this are somewhat expressed. The life of a Christian does not know ownership of dreams, ownership of moments, the mourning of the things of this world, or gambling this life for the next. No; the Christian holds firm to those promises offered in Christ and knows without grief, pain and struggle. We do this because we know the One we place our faith in is stronger and promises far more than we could ever hope for or build for ourselves. 

This week has been a trying week for me. It is the week before my departure for the Dominican Republic. I thus far have been a trooper and not cried too much, although today got the better of me. I requested the prayers of my fellow church workers on facebook and within minutes I had an overwhelming response from God's faithful people which made me  not only cry but realize something; there is great paradox for me in this transition. I have to shamefully admit that the above song is my song because I know the pain of parting, and the mourning of the death of dreams. I'm not talking about dreams like becoming a famous pastry chef, or opening a chocolate shop, or of loosing fifty pounds and meeting a man who thinks he is not worthy of me and makes me feel like I am every mans dream for a spouse. No, I am talking about dreams far more simple than that, like being around for Christmas, seeing June take her first steps, and Lucius begin to articulate the faith, and Frankie come to a point where he shares that faith with his brother and sister. I'm talking about the dreams of having hot cocoa in February when there is snow outside (even though I hate the cold). I'm talking about very basic things like comforts and luxuries and continuing education seminars and spending time with my dear friends and their children (you know who you are!). I mourn those things, but like Michael Card's conveyance of Peter, I do not mourn those things without hope. 

DO NOT... I REPEAT... DO NOT FEEL SORRY for me! Like Peter I would not give these things up were I not certain that what God has to offer is better. I would not give them up if I did not believe that they pale in comparison to the sacrifices Christ made for us. Therefore I cannot consider them sacrifices, but blessings. Blessings where I can know better the sacrifice that Christ made for us, blessings where I know He will draw near to me as I draw near to him. Blessings where He will give me another family to share in joys and sorrows with. Abundant blessings! I know I will reap far more than I give in this transition of moving to the Dominican Republic, but it doesn't lessen the blow of saying "goodbye" to those who raised me, watched me grow, and stood by me in calm and in storm (I know, I know, I WILL see my family and friends again, it isn't like they are gone for forever or like I am saying goodbye for forever). Do not feel sorry for me, but do pray for me. Pray that we can all know God's richest blessings made known in our needs. Pray that we would see "moments that once belonged to us" as moments that always belonged to God. Pray that we may know the fullness of our moments belonging to us when we return them to the giver of all good things who will take them and return them in ten fold. 

Thank you to all of you who read this blog, pray for me and the team I will serve with and on, and thank you for all who support the work being done in the Dominican Republic. We truly couldn't do what we do without your own sacrifices of time, money, and prayers. We are all united in this work together even though we are all separated by miles. I will be leaving October 1st and I can't tell you how excited I am! It doesn't come without times of doubting though which is why I need your prayers! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You are all a blessing to me! 
Ever His,
Katie Z.

Matthew 5

New King James Version (NKJV)

The Beatitudes

And seeing the multitudes, He went up on a mountain, and when He was seated His disciples came to Him. Then He opened His mouth and taught them, saying:
“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
    For they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
    For they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
    For they shall be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
    For they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
    For they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
    For they shall be called sons of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake,
    For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 “Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. 12 Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.