Bunny Soft Toilet Paper

Recently my beloved (Roberto), my darling (Evangelina) and I all traveled north for a few weeks to escape the winter. After having been home a while, I have begun to reflect on the things I miss the most from my old family homestead. I’m not sure if I ever knew “soft toilet paper” quite like the toilet paper my parents had in their home for this visit. It might have been an improvement that came over the years while I was away or perhaps it was one of the many changes they made with their recent remodeling. My parents are now purchasing generic toilet paper that they buy in bulk and hold on stock in their home. It is the softest toilet paper I have ever used! My husband put it most accurately in stating; “It’s like wiping your butt with a bunny,” lovely thought.
For the first few weeks of our visit, Evangelina and myself were nursing a horrible cold with runny noses, and for my little darling it included many tears. Bunny soft toilet paper came in quite handy. I blew my nose so much and yet I never got an irritated nose like I normally get for blowing my nose so much. I spent the majority of my time with wadded up balls of humid bunny soft toilet paper in my pockets and in my purse. When it came time for us to return to the south, many tears were shed. Bunny soft toilet paper was used to wipe away the many tears that were shed.
Upon arrival at our first destination on our journey south I took my daughter and husband to the family bathroom to change Evangelina’s diaper (an amenity I took advantage of as often as I could in the U.S.). As I wadded up the old diaper to throw it away I fell apart in a sobbing mess. My husband threw me a confused look and said ever so compassionately with one eyebrow raised; “Really? Now?” I grabbed the nearest absorbing material I could find, which happened to be a sturdy paper towel.
Still clinging to the old soiled diaper, I thought about how the last diaper change that my daughter had was from my mom in Nebraska. I started thinking about how my mom changed my daughters very first diapers in the hospital since I couldn’t move after having had Evangelina. I thought about how the soiled diaper in my hand would be the last diaper my mom would have put on Evangelina (the next time we get to see each other Evangelina will most likely be potty trained). Clinging to the diaper even tighter and holding myself up on the changing table I began to sob uncontrollably. A wet mess of tears and snot, I grabbed a few more paper towels and wiped away at my face. If I were an avid scrapbooker I might have given a fleeting thought to saving the soiled diaper.
My loving husband didn’t know if he should laugh at me or cry with me. What he did do was say; “I don’t get it! What happened?” As I continued to wipe tears and snot away with the paper towels I wondered how I could explain the depth of sadness, regret, and ache a soiled diaper caused me and I summed it up into the following words; “I miss bunny soft toilet paper!” With those words, I showed him the rough, soggy, un-absorbent paper towel with one hand and threw the old diaper away with the other. We both laughed and hugged each other in the moment realizing that there is a lot to miss from home, and there was so much more to be thankful for.
Bunny soft toilet paper oddly reminds me that while there is a lot to miss, nothing compares to the people I miss. As I told my husband; “I know I will see them again, I don’t mourn loosing them, I mourn the moments in the year we don’t get to share together. I mourn the birthdays, the Christmases, the Easters, and the mundane Mondays with my family.” Even so, I am so thankful for every moment we did get to share with my family. They were moments that were treasured all the more for all the lost moments that we don’t get to share. I especially cherished the two Communions I was able to share with my family. Each worship was a celestial moment where I was strengthened and reminded that despite the distance, we share every Sunday when we share in the Lord’s Supper. Until we are reunited, I cling to the Lord’s promise to unite us in His Word and through His gifts. I know I will see them again. I cry for the earthly things and rejoice for the celestial promise that one day we will never have to part.

“Let us praise the Word Incarnate, Christ, who suffered in our place. Jesus died and rose victorious that we may know God by grace. Let us sing for joy and gladness, seeing what our God has done; Let us praise the true Redeemer, Praise the One who makes us one.” LSB 849 (Hope Publishing Co. 1987)

Jesus Tender

Every night before laying my baby girl in her crib at night, my husband and I practice the habit of praying with her. We first say the Lord’s Prayer and then we end with a prayer that my mom sang to me ever since I can remember. I don’t know the origins of the prayer but the words are as follows: 

Jesus tender, Shepherd hear me. Bless Thy little Evangelina tonight. Through the darkness be thou near her, keep her safe ‘till morning light. All this day Thy hand hath held her, and we thank Thee for Thy care. Thou has warmed her, clothed her, fed her, listen to her evening prayer, Amen, goodnight.

Most nights when we say this prayer together, melancholy sets in and I begin to reflect in the darkness of her nursery on what the words we recite mean for us in our daily lives to this tiny creature. 

Some nights the prayer catches me from the hustle and bustle of a long day come to a close and reminds me how quickly my baby girl will grow up and perhaps share the same prayer with her own little children.  Other nights I’m struck at was a precious gift we have in our arms and how uncertain each passing day can be. What I mean by that is; we don’t know how much time we are given to hold and love the ones we are blessed with and for that we entrust them to the care of our Lord. We raise them in a way that promises the hope of restoration for if they are taken from us, and we pray that God would hold them throughout long days and longer night. Every night as we pray; “Thou has warmed her, clothed her, fed her” I am held in aww at the truth in those words for us. Call it “karma, fate, kindness” or whatever else this modern co-exist culture prefers to call it, but I know it is nothing short of the hand of my God caring for my baby girl in ways we can not. 

The truth and reality is that by western American standards, Roberto and I should have never had a baby. We are not financially stable enough to support her, CPS would deem our house unfit for the raising of a little child, and my own body has seemed to reject the tasks of providing my baby with all that she needs and yet she is a healthy, happy baby with all that she needs and more. 

When I begin to worry about the number and quality of days that I have to hold my child, I try to remind myself of the many ways the Lord has provided thus far for my child. It calms my heart to know the very hands of God that work in and among His people to give them good things and provide them with all that they need and more are the very same hands that were nailed to a cross to grant us salvation. Length of days may be short and the quality of them may not be as pleasant as hoped but eternity is a precious gift we hold right now as a comfort. The provision for the length of our days is a reminder of that provision for eternity. He holds us now in the midst of struggles to bring us to Him for an eternity of joy in His presence. He remains with us through the darkness util the morning light and we thank Him for all that He gives us. 

Roberto and I are so thankful for all that the Lord has given us in 2017 and we are thankful for all of you who have loved us, supported us, and prayed for us. You certainly have shown us the mercy and care of our Lord through all that you do. May God bless you and your family in this new year. 

Matthew 6:25-34New King James Version (NKJV)

Do Not Worry

25 “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?

28 “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

31 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.