Celebrating and Grieving

   It has been a day of celebration and I was not robbed of joy nor tears as it is also a day of remembrance. Today in the Dominican is Mother’s day. When mother’s day from the States came and went without any recognition from my husband, I asked if he forgot or if this was how we were going celebrate the occasion. My husband casually told me that we had agreed to celebrate the day that is celebrated in the country that we are living. I had no memory of making any such agreement but I cautiously awaited the day. I also calculated the day of the Dominican Mother’s Day and it added to my caution; May 31st. 

     One year ago I entered an emergency room in the Dominican Republic because I could no longer find my daughter’s heart beating with our at home doppler. In that emergency room they confirmed that my little lamb had indeed gone to be with Jesus. At 9 moths water had filled her lungs instead of air and her eyes would only ever open to see her heavenly Father. I contemplated a new heaven and a new earth with my husband this morning and I know that I will see my Abigail again because my Lord promises it and the evidence is there in the tomb where she lays. The morning she died my husband and I read: Matthew 19:14

but Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.”  

God was preparing our hearts and comforting us before we knew we needed it. Those words are placed upon her headstone. Today with Trinity Sunday, we remember the importance of Baptism; a gift Abigail was unable to receive this side of eternity. I am not robbed of hope despite what some say we can or can’t say with certainty of unbaptized children. This I know, My Lord tells me in 1 Corinthians 15:52: in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed.

My Abigail is counted with the dead. Her grave marks the spot where her tiny body has by now shriveled up in her soft baby blanket and oversized onesie. My Lord lives! My God has made abundantly clear to me over this past year that He is mindful of my loss and that it matters because it was never how He intended His creation to be. My God is a God of creation and restoration and love, He will not leave my Abigail’s grave unturned because she did not live to pass through the waters of Holy Baptism. New life is a precious gift that the living receive in those waters, Abigail bypassed those waters and went straight to streams of Living Waters with death being her portal. 

Today, I was not robbed of the joy of celebrating Mother’s day. In fact I would say; God added to my joy by allowing me to remember that I have a child yet to be held. A year has come and gone since Abigail’s death. The Lord has given, and the Lord has taken, Blessed be the name of the Lord!

    Seeing the hand of God at work in the midst of my grief has been one of the greatest sources of joy on this journey. Such is all of our pilgrimage in Christ. Thanks be to God, and we are thankful to God for all of you who have prayed for us on this journey as well.