I look to the Cross.

I remember in Seminary when the head of the library was orienting us to how the Library on campus worked. He made a joke saying; “If you are looking for periodicals, all you have to do is just as King David did when he said; I look to the hills, where comes my help.” He then pointed to an impressive amount of boxes stored above the book shelves. That pairing of scripture with something that frightened me; research, calmed my anxieties and made the task seem less daunting. I love libraries for the solitude and peace they can offer, but the insurmountable information they contain can be daunting. 

Very recently, the Latin American Lutheran community has been mourning the death of a beloved shepherd. A Venezuelan pastor was murdered in a way that can only be described as horrific and at the hands of pure evil. The news has shaken many and saddened all within the Lutheran community. The amount of unanswered questions is terrifying. 

Much of Latin America is suffering economic crisis but the forerunner and the country suffering the most is Venezuela. Due to economic and governmental crisis, it is difficult to say why a Lutheran pastor may have been a target, but the pastor isn’t the only target. The church at large in Venezuela is under attack. “Strike the shepherd and the sheep will scatter.” Matthew 26:31. 

Sin becomes a concoction to remedy fear and pain for living in a society where daily bread is hard to come by. Many have found refuge in other countries waiting, praying, and helping from afar for the remnant. There is a great rising of fear and confusion when a pastor is lost in such a way. This is the second Lutheran pastor I have learned about having been murdered in the past four years. How could God allow this to happen? Doesn’t the Psalmist promise that The LORD will be our keeper and that He will preserve us from all evil? 

Something I know I have taken for granted is the luxury of my faith. We preach against the theology of glory, but in my mind there is a little voice that says; “be faithful to God and He will be faithful to you.”  The problem with that is my own interpretation of God’s faithfulness to me and to others. The Lord is our keeper; the keeper of our soul. He has called dear Pastor Luis Coronado into eternal rest. He holds the souls of all believers in Him. While evildoers can hurt us and take our lives and our bodies, the Lord of all creation still holds us within His care. While we may cry for justice, we must remember and hold fast, knowing that the battle is the Lords. He will have His justice. Please pray for the family of our sainted brother and Pastor; Luis Coronado, pray for all pastors fighting to feed the flock in Venezuela. Pray for Venezuela and all her leaders. Pray that God would preserve us all in these later days, and call us to look to Him and His suffering endured for us. Our help truly does come from the Lord. 

Christ is Risen! 

Psalm 121 

I will lift up my eyes to the hills—

From whence comes my help?

2 My help comes from the Lord,

Who made heaven and earth.

3 He will not allow your foot to [a]be moved;

He who keeps you will not slumber.

4 Behold, He who keeps Israel

Shall neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The Lord is your [b]keeper;

The Lord is your shade at your right hand.

6 The sun shall not strike you by day,

Nor the moon by night.

7 The Lord shall [c]preserve you from all evil;

He shall preserve your soul.

8 The Lord shall preserve[d] your going out and your coming in

From this time forth, and even forevermore.

"I GOT YOU MAMA"

Within the past few days our sweet little pumpkin has taken to saying “I got you!” and it isn’t as if she were playing hide and seek, she says it in a consoling manner. The other day I was walking with her and she asked to be picked up. I lifted her up, she rested her head on my shoulder and said; “I got you mama.” Her tone was the same as when she says “I love you.” They were words I needed to hear and be reminded of. 

It’s difficult sometimes to remember that what you have been called to is all of life’s daily tasks; the mundane and the memorable. I often feel forgotten in Argentina and I don’t think it is a feeling unique and isolated to my station and place in life. I believe we all feel forgotten or meaningless at times. I believe we all need the gentle head rest of a child and the a tiny voice saying; “I got you.” 

It wasn’t just the way my daughter said “I got you” it was the fact that she learned it from me. She said it because it is what I am constantly saying to her. When she bumps her head or faces a world full of emotions that she has never experienced before, I scoop her up and say; “I got you my honey bunny.” I imagine we all run around tending to the needs of others like it is the most important thing on our to-do list and it takes those gentle reminders to show us that what we are doing for others, they are also doing for us. My daughter might not change my diaper, feed me and bathe me, but I find purpose in her. I find meaning, and that doesn’t mean that everyone needs a two year old to have that. I find my vocational joy in Eva even though at the same time I think I might want a more “meaningful” task like writing books full time, feeding the hungry, teaching our world’s future leaders, or even saving the world from destruction and catastrophe. 

Eva’s gentle touch and words remind me that it is enough and she does in deed “got me.” and God gave her to me. More than that, God has me. He holds me within the palm of His hand in a way that reminds me that no matter how insignificant I might feel or think that I am, He remains present and active in my life. He is mindful of even my most mundane days. Sometimes, when my husband reminds me of how God cares for me I scoff and think; “I’m pretty sure God has more important things to be mindful of than my petty problems.” The truth is; He does, but that doesn’t stop Him from loving and caring for us. If there is one thing my isolation has taught me it is that God is ever present and ever caring in majestic ways veiled in the mundane. He is mindful of me, He is mindful of you and He’s got us.  

Isaiah 46:3-4 (NKJV)

“Listen to Me, O house of Jacob,

And all the remnant of the house of Israel,

Who have been upheld by Me from birth,

Who have been carried from the womb:

Even to your old age, I am He,

And even to gray hairs I will carry you!

I have made, and I will bear;

Even I will carry, and will deliver you.

Someone's Choice

When I started consulting with peers for writing the book “Never Forsaken” I was asked by a dear friend if I had considered including the topic of “abortion.” I awkwardly laughed and tried to gently explain that this would be a book dedicated to miscarriage not abortions. After taking a moment to consider the source, a better response came to mind and I asked her; “Why do you think abortion should be included?” Her explanation got me to think a little bit differently about my pain with miscarriage and how it might relate to those who chose to terminate a pregnancy.

When I was pregnant with my firstborn, the doctor gave me a little booklet that he took a moment to fill out at his desk before handing it to me. It was a mini medical booklet with significant medical history to help whatever doctor was tending to me during my pregnancy. The first part of the booklet asked for the mothers previous pregnancies. My doctor had marked that this was my second pregnancy and that the first was terminated due to a “spontaneous abortion.” The last thing I wanted was my lost child to be associated with that word; “abortion” especially for all the negative connotation it carries. As the debate continues I keep thinking that the source of the battle isn’t just in law making and choices, it also lies in reminding women connected to that word; “abortion” that they are still beloved children of God despite choices made.  

With all the hubbub and commotion with “Walk for Life” and in contrast, new laws that have passed in New York with regards to abortion; I wonder how much are we trying to understand the women who make the choice to terminate a pregnancy. I believe there is a whole group of women out there who feel persecuted, judged, condemned and believe me when I say, they have a deep grief that goes unshared and unspoken. We need to be clearer in how we talk and condemn abortion. We condemn the laws that are passed and those who gleefully support the passing of those laws, not the women who fall prey to

believing they do in fact have to make a choice. We condemn the brainwashing of a culture, that tells women “you have a choice” when in reality it pushes them into thinking that they really don’t have any other choice apart from abortion. 

The majority of abortions occur because motherhood poses an inconvenience, I suppose at the very least we are recognizing the full time task being a mother entails, and that it is in fact a selfless calling. I wonder how many lies a woman has to tell herself to find consolation for making the choice to terminate a pregnancy. Ladies and gentlemen, there is a mass amount of people out there mourning the “choice” they thought was the only choice they had. There are mothers who are mourning the loss of a child silently because at the end of the day, grieving would just be admitting that you made the wrong choice. Can you imagine loosing a child and not being able to express regret not only for the judgement that would fall upon you at your own hand but also by the hands of others? 

I believe most women who have abortions are broken inside just like all of us, they just tend to be a little better at hiding it. I think most women who have abortions are sad and longing for a better way out but they can’t see it. I am convinced that most women who have abortions aren’t thinking about women’s rights when they go in to terminate a pregnancy. I assume that most women who have abortions are mothers broken down by the standards of a society that says; “having children will ruin your life and destroy your dreams.” I believe that most women who have abortions think a lot about what life would be like if they never had to make the choice they did make. I believe that most women who have abortions think about if they did in fact make the right choice. Finally, I believe that women who have abortions carry a heavy burden for making a choice that they then have to deal with the consequences alone. 

Choices are nice to have, but it seems like we aren’t offering much of a choice but a forced push off a cliff. I believe that women who have abortions are redeemed, loved, and can find peace in Christ. Much like a mother who has lost a child to miscarriage, I believe that most women who have abortions long for a day of total restoration. I believe that they deserve to grieve in a safe place and hopefully one day they can find the voice to serve as an example for others. Hopefully one day they can be an example that shows how sometimes making a choice isn’t a right or liberty, but an enslavement to something else. Let’s not forget the mothers of the children lost to abortion because I am certain that most of them are hurting too and in a much more deafening void of silence. 

Psalm 130:3-6 English Standard Version (ESV)

3 If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities,
    O Lord, who could stand?
4 But with you there is forgiveness,
    that you may be feared.

N 

5 I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
    and in his word I hope;
6 my soul waits for the Lord
    more than watchmen for the morning,
    more than watchmen for the morning.

https://www.cph.org/p-32050-never-forsaken-gods-mercy-in-the-midst-of-miscarriage.aspx