Someone's Choice

When I started consulting with peers for writing the book “Never Forsaken” I was asked by a dear friend if I had considered including the topic of “abortion.” I awkwardly laughed and tried to gently explain that this would be a book dedicated to miscarriage not abortions. After taking a moment to consider the source, a better response came to mind and I asked her; “Why do you think abortion should be included?” Her explanation got me to think a little bit differently about my pain with miscarriage and how it might relate to those who chose to terminate a pregnancy.

When I was pregnant with my firstborn, the doctor gave me a little booklet that he took a moment to fill out at his desk before handing it to me. It was a mini medical booklet with significant medical history to help whatever doctor was tending to me during my pregnancy. The first part of the booklet asked for the mothers previous pregnancies. My doctor had marked that this was my second pregnancy and that the first was terminated due to a “spontaneous abortion.” The last thing I wanted was my lost child to be associated with that word; “abortion” especially for all the negative connotation it carries. As the debate continues I keep thinking that the source of the battle isn’t just in law making and choices, it also lies in reminding women connected to that word; “abortion” that they are still beloved children of God despite choices made.  

With all the hubbub and commotion with “Walk for Life” and in contrast, new laws that have passed in New York with regards to abortion; I wonder how much are we trying to understand the women who make the choice to terminate a pregnancy. I believe there is a whole group of women out there who feel persecuted, judged, condemned and believe me when I say, they have a deep grief that goes unshared and unspoken. We need to be clearer in how we talk and condemn abortion. We condemn the laws that are passed and those who gleefully support the passing of those laws, not the women who fall prey to

believing they do in fact have to make a choice. We condemn the brainwashing of a culture, that tells women “you have a choice” when in reality it pushes them into thinking that they really don’t have any other choice apart from abortion. 

The majority of abortions occur because motherhood poses an inconvenience, I suppose at the very least we are recognizing the full time task being a mother entails, and that it is in fact a selfless calling. I wonder how many lies a woman has to tell herself to find consolation for making the choice to terminate a pregnancy. Ladies and gentlemen, there is a mass amount of people out there mourning the “choice” they thought was the only choice they had. There are mothers who are mourning the loss of a child silently because at the end of the day, grieving would just be admitting that you made the wrong choice. Can you imagine loosing a child and not being able to express regret not only for the judgement that would fall upon you at your own hand but also by the hands of others? 

I believe most women who have abortions are broken inside just like all of us, they just tend to be a little better at hiding it. I think most women who have abortions are sad and longing for a better way out but they can’t see it. I am convinced that most women who have abortions aren’t thinking about women’s rights when they go in to terminate a pregnancy. I assume that most women who have abortions are mothers broken down by the standards of a society that says; “having children will ruin your life and destroy your dreams.” I believe that most women who have abortions think a lot about what life would be like if they never had to make the choice they did make. I believe that most women who have abortions think about if they did in fact make the right choice. Finally, I believe that women who have abortions carry a heavy burden for making a choice that they then have to deal with the consequences alone. 

Choices are nice to have, but it seems like we aren’t offering much of a choice but a forced push off a cliff. I believe that women who have abortions are redeemed, loved, and can find peace in Christ. Much like a mother who has lost a child to miscarriage, I believe that most women who have abortions long for a day of total restoration. I believe that they deserve to grieve in a safe place and hopefully one day they can find the voice to serve as an example for others. Hopefully one day they can be an example that shows how sometimes making a choice isn’t a right or liberty, but an enslavement to something else. Let’s not forget the mothers of the children lost to abortion because I am certain that most of them are hurting too and in a much more deafening void of silence. 

Psalm 130:3-6 English Standard Version (ESV)

3 If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities,
    O Lord, who could stand?
4 But with you there is forgiveness,
    that you may be feared.

N 

5 I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
    and in his word I hope;
6 my soul waits for the Lord
    more than watchmen for the morning,
    more than watchmen for the morning.

https://www.cph.org/p-32050-never-forsaken-gods-mercy-in-the-midst-of-miscarriage.aspx