Saturday, February 11, 2012

What to say.... (Breaking the silence and filling the void)

Well what can you say... I have been thinking a lot about blogging, and not because I have anything interesting to say (That's a real attention getter) but because I haven't blogged in a while. I was getting nervous about my own silence (that speaks volumes). It has snowed here in Cambridge but for the most part it is much like the cold months of February in the States; not a lot is going on. Like most years in most places, we are anticipating the liveliness of spring and all the wonderful things that come with it. I am anticipating a visit from my parents and my friends Stacey and Daniel sometime in the spring, but until then I sit and wait, and go about my busy life.
 I have mentioned it before in one of my very first blogs but I am learning so much about how much of life is just waiting. You would think that a degree in baking and pastry would have taught me a thing or two about waiting, but if anything it only taught me that you need to wait for optimal results, not that you are going to be waiting for much of your life. Baking taught me that while you are waiting on one thing you can start up another thing to wait on, and another while waiting on that one, and then by the time you have set up a fourth thing to wait on you can go back to your initial project and do something with that, and eventually you aren't waiting anymore. You are just constantly filling the voids of your day with one more thing that sits in the back waiting on you while you keep moving forward. Very American! Why should I have to wait on the world, it should wait on me. I have things to do, people to see, and places to go. I have silences to break, voids to fill, and jobs to finish. All the while I am forgetting that there is one thing that is more important than all this; nothing.
I don't know how I do it but I always manage to fill my day, week or month up with more than what one person should be able to do. I squish it all in because I am sometimes afraid of nothing. I am afraid to face a day alone by myself, I am frightened of the idea of when life comes to be just me alone on a bed waiting for the nurse to come in and wipe the drool off my face because I can't do it myself. I am afraid of the day when nobody needs me anymore (not like they ever did) and the day when I have nothing left to offer. For some reason this is what the cold months remind me of. This idea that the world is slowing down, businesses suffer because nobody wants to brave the cold to go out and buy a new pair of boots or a cardigan. Nobody wants to suffer the snow to go into town. The slow winter months always remind me of just how small all of us are.
The world keeps turning if I don't go into work, it keeps revolving and tilting on it's axis if I don't visit that one patient. The world keeps going and God keeps working. The law isn't that I have to work, it's the idea that I need to work. The gospel is that I get to work. My work, the work given to me is the law and the gospel. It is the law in that I allow my jobs and tasks to fill up my day and place chains and shackles upon me that make me think I am needed, in such a way as to make the whole world dependent upon my showing up. The Gospel is that it doesn't matter at all... none of it matters. I've been given a task. I didn't take it, it was given to me, I only destroy the gift when I make it into something it was never meant to be in the first place. When I make one batch of dough, I create it in a way thinking about the end result. When I realize I have to wait for that result I begin to make more dough to distract myself. I then loose the desire and interest of that first batch of dough because I have just filled my time with too much dough to mix, proof, portion, and bake. God has given us creative interests that we plug into our various vocations. Just like our creator we too create. However, unlike our creator we abuse that creative process by creating too much and sometimes not doing nothing (double negative-I know).
 Isn't it interesting that in the beginning God only created ONE man, and later ONE woman? Then God rested. Likewise God only made one you! It is true that the world will keep on turning without us doing anything, and our existence upon this earth is quite insignificant. Yet God made me and he made You! He made us with a plan and purpose. NOTHING! He made us for nothing in this world but for another home, a heavenly home. He made us for nothing that we could do but because he loved us. He made us out of nothing other than the sheer madness of the divine Creators love for creation. This means that when I do nothing, even then he loves me. This means that when I no longer can go to the bathroom on my own, even then he loves me. When I no longer have anything to contribute to this world, God still values me and holds me precious in the palm of his hand. (This goes for you too by the way) Even if no one else knew me but my God, I would still matter because God has purchased and won me. We were bought at a price, we are not just filler created to fill the voids of a day otherwise left to waiting. We are the bread, even when just a pile of dough sits and waits. We are what God is eagerly awaiting to bring home, and we too eagerly await the return of our King, Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, when he will transform our lowly bodies to be like his glorious body! So we can wait... I guess we don't have to do anything because Christ has done and said it all, and that which we do we can take as gift from God.

2 Corinthians 3:4-6 And we have such trust through Christ toward God. Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God, who also made us sufficient as ministers of the new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.

Thanks everybody who reads this! I am equally encouraged by all of you- (especially those who come by it via KPZ's facebook page) God bless you all!

1 comment:

  1. Nice post, Katie! Especially appropriate in this week of Sexagesima, where the traditional Gospel reading is the parable of the sower (Luke 8:4-15). One of the comforting messages of this parable is that God's word will accomplish its purpose despite the stones, thorns, birds, etc. God's seed is still sown and bears a crop a hundredfold. I suppose this isn't the exact same thing you're talking about here, :) but it's related, I think - relying on God and trusting that, in the end, he has everything in his hands. He made us, redeemed us, and will work all things toward his perfect purpose.