Sunday, May 5, 2013

I run...but I fall down again....

April was a great month for me! I had a wonderful month of success. I started to help teach classes for deacons and deaconesses. I got to have a special Bible class with a few struggling students in the school. I got to help a little at the construction site for the new group home. I ran a 10K, and joined a gym. April was a month for me where I started to feel like I had some footing beneath me. The ironic thing is whenever I begin to feel sure of myself and think “Now I’m running on the track” I am humbled and reminded that no matter how perfect I make my life, it is nothing compared to what He makes it. 
One year ago today I began the hopeful journey of being a missionary in the D.R.. Today, I sit on the other side of that process envying my fellow brothers and sisters that are beginning their own joyfully exciting journeys of serving our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ beginning with a call process that renders them subject to the process itself. There was a joy I carried with me when I thought I was conducting my own orchestra only to be shattered when my own strength faltered. When I stepped back, or was nocked down, I realized that the only One to take up the stand and conduct is the very One who divinely orchestrated all of creation and called the earth into being. The only One who can sustain my decrescendos, and drawn out lulls in life is the conductor with bigger arms than my own. He has given me all that I need to support this body and life and still takes care of me. 
Why is it that I always fall into the trap of thinking it is I who needs to serve Him, when He is the one granting the strength and sustenance to carry on? All too often my joy for the service constitutes my own strength and ability to carry out my day to day living. Yet it is God who makes me fit to serve Him. What is more is that it is God who strengthens me when I do not feel fit to serve. Christ on the cross is the only work I need for the day. Christ covering me in baptismal robes of regalia is my strength for days when I don’t think I measure up, because alone I don’t. With Christ before me, he holds my arms up for battle and places his own upon a cross to win the greatest battle of all. My greatest crescendo is Christ when I run, and Christ when I fall down again. He is the reason for my success and my aid for when I fall. My joy then is found in a Savior who makes me fit not only for His kingdom, but fit for the service of the kingdom. Finally, joy comes in knowing when I am weak, and all too human, God invests in making me whole and better for knowing and serving Him.   

Exodus 15:2 
The Lord is my strength and song,
And He has become my salvation;
He is my God, and I will praise Him;
My father’s God, and I will exalt Him.

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